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In The News

Jews Claim to Set New Record for Energy Efficiency

No Longer Have to Depend on Persians for Eternal Oil?

It's a Miracle!

The Jews of Jerusalem claimed a new record for energy efficiency today as their temple's eternal light burned for eight days despite having only one day's supply of oil.

Does this mean an answer to the Eternal Oil Crisis?

As the eternal flame is based on olive oil, this could be a challenge to OPEC--the Olive Petroleum Exporting Countries.

However, doubts were generated as word of the oil miracle was contained within an epistle stating that the Jews defeated the Greeks in a battle over the Temple of Jerusalem.

A spokesman for pro-roadway lobbying group Alpha Alpha Alpha (AAA) put it this way. “Right! And the guys who teach abacus in town can kick the Spartan's asses! And I'm King Antiochus the Fourth!"

"And, what if it is true? We're not going to run our horses on olive oil, are we? Sorry, Pegasus, no more hay, here's some olive oil."

"So, is it really such a big deal? Geez, why don't we make an annual holiday of it for Athena's sake?"

Jewish community leader Judah Maccabee responded, “This miracle is just the first of many. We believe that it is Jehovah's will to replace the horse with the hybrid mule. And, by the way, if you have to take a mule on a long trip, you should offset its methane emissions.”

But, Britannia Petroleum, multinational producer of olive oil and hay, also downplayed the significance of the Jews’ achievement. “Zeus wouldn’t have put hay in the ground if he didn’t want us to use it. Alternatives to hay might be feasible in ten to twenty years, but not now,” asserted a BP spokesman.